i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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