Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
