I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
