Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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