White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
