Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
