just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
