just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
