I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I lost the right to judge tonight
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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