The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
