He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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