Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
