Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
