my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
