Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
