all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize