Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
