You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
