Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
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It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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