I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
