so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
