I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
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Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
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The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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