i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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