She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
