I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
