she takes plan B like it's going out of style
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
