quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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