Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
