Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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