what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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