If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize