The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
