Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
