I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
