we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
