WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
