You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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