You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
