im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The air was thick with penises
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
