dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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