Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
