I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
