Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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