how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
