8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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