you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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