Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
