There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
