My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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