Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
