i was born a porn star she said
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
