"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
