Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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