Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
