Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
