OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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