I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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