How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
