You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
