She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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