seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
how do flat chested girls get laid?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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