I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
