I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
