it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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