The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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