We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
