That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
