Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
