It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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