YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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