I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
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I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
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There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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