The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
