I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
