You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
