does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
please come you make the beer taste better
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
